I wouldn’t consider myself to be a “happy” person. Happy is one of those ubiquitous terms that gets lost in translation. I’m reflective, joyful, silly, funny, overwhelmed in confusion about the meaning of life at times, often bored, deeply thankful, but happy? That sounds weird.
It’s can be a social thing to put on an air of alrightness. To be in good humor. Approachable and that.
But those of us that carry the world on our shoulders. You’ll find us at the bar trying to lighten up. Sitting in our own thoughts as a group chatter on about things we don’t care about. We make dark fine art and music, we write about the difficulties of life. We’re morose, melancholy, pensive, mourning the tragedy that is life. To be human is to know many ways to suffer.
It of course gets heavier for those of who cope with depression daily. A stillness so weighted. A debilitation that effects all corners of life.
For me it can be a relief to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. Not having to try to engage with other humans. To explore these ideas in solitude. The things I love talking about aren’t usually entertained by others. I’m considered to be an extrovert. So when these ideas run past my mind, and there’s and opportunity to share them, I do. They’re not usually met with much engagement. But I think these big theme ideas about life interesting, and usually not common banter, so I at least throw it out there with the sliver of hope that it’ll hook someone else who might be into the same things I’m into. I think people have deeper thoughts all the time and they just don’t share them. And I want to distinguish, these ideas aren’t always dark, but they’re usually beyond the surface, which to some makes them “deep.” When sharing these thoughts falls flat, I just let it. I guess I’m happy to try and get a sense of who has a pulse around me, and finding none, retreat back to the lab. Or leave the scene. Lol. Sometimes you just gotta go.
Do you enjoy your own company? Do you give yourself space to think your thoughts and feel your feelings? Are you content overall in life?