Communication (And How to do it Better?)

Communication in general is a difficult thing because as much as we’d like to believe language facilitates understanding, each individual human has their own language.
Our lives become these experiences we make future choices through. We either entertain these patterns of events or one-offs. Most of the time, I’d venture, we’re reacting to a present situation based off of a past situation. Living in the past. That makes a couple of things difficult: operating out of love in the present and growing as human.
We all do it. We categorize things as a simple means to not think about every little thing. Taking the same route to work and not remembering any of it. Eating food and maybe only tasting the first bite. Having a conversation with a loved one and not hearing what they’re actually trying to say. Mindless time spent awake.
Being present takes work. It’s difficult to be in the moment and not get caught up  in the constant flow of thoughts the brain spurts out. And subsequent feelings those thoughts can rouse. So when communicating you have to multitask. Being able to listen to your heart and discuss what’s going on there, while interacting with someone who you hope is doing the same. We’ve been traumatized in a lot of ways as humans. We’ve been rough handled and punished for being ourselves. We haven’t learned how to maintain boundaries that allow us to be closer to those we love. We’re suffering and in pain. Listening without being defensive is a rarity. The wounded child inside all of us takes offense at a lot.
Sometimes you can shock people into being present by constructively using your words. It takes deep digging and planning to reroute the trance of conversations we find ourselves playing a role in. That’s why we pay third parties to help us parse our words and reach each others’ hearts. Communication is deceptively easy.
If nothing else, instead of assuming someone else sees the world as we do, we can do due diligence and get clear about a few things first. And this is a practice to remember that people have a very different lived experience than we do. Maybe for loved ones a designated place can be determined to have tough conversations. That way it’s mutually understood that this is the time and place we’re going to have a heart to heart. Maybe notes can be taken during the conversation. You both could pray/meditate/express gratitude before the conversation started to put you both in the space to be more open. Particularly around corrective actions. You both could try to give some structure to your conversations. People love to have a good moan. Determine if they just need to talk or if action needs to be taken. It’s essentially a best practices workflow for how you and a loved one communicate. I’m laughing as I form these words, but what if we could create customized love manuals with those we love the most to make communication and being in each other’s lives more lovely.

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